Merry Meerkat Marginalia

*** Warning: SUPER long review (especially for me!)**

3.5 Stars, Borrow. This was a gift

OMG, I started this book around 7/16/14. I finally actually managed to finish this on 10/3/14.  Which reminds me I want to start unfettered. Which is a collection of short fantasy stories. Adding to maybe November’s goals if its not part of Octobers. Anyway, The next paragraph is where I started my review 2 ½ months ago.  Now excuse me, its going to take the next 20 minutes to calculate my star rating……….  So I literally wrote down each story’s rating and divided by 34 (# of stories) and got 3.72.  Because that seems high to me and because I can only rate in ½ star ratings, this is going to get 3.5 Star review. And on to the review I started months ago.

I already have two books going but it’s been a bit of a hard day work wise so I’ve decided to start something funny. It was between this and the Indispensible Calvin and Hobbes.  I ended up with this one probably because I just had two weeks of vacation with my young, very active son and could use some motherhood humor. Just for those who might stumble upon my reviews, I work full time and have a young son so I take notes and sometimes just slam together reviews on my lunch break so I appologize if my reviews aren’t super fantastic compared to others. But I always try to give honest feedback. I mention this because I’ve started this review before I’ve even read one page and wanted to explain stuff which I’ll forget by the time I get to doing the review. 7/16/2014

I’m reading the Intro and already I love this woman. She has a sense of humor: “ I love my kids. Don’t we all? But do you know what else I love? I also love all day kindergarten and early bedtimes.” - LOL. Ok just so everyone knows this is an anthology of mommy bloggers writing on motherhood so I will do averages and ratings of each story.  But if the editor is funny, my hopes are high about to start in on this anthology. This review is going to go on forever if I write down all the authors and blogs so I’m just going to write the title of each story, and if you are interested in knowing who wrote what and where the blogger is, you can always go get the book (or just ask me). Also, just reading these titles before I reading the actual anecdotes is killing me. Also, the dedication rocks: “ This book is dedicated to every mother who dreams of peeing alone.”

Ok, so I thought going into this that this was a book about funny children essays. Turns out that its general essays written by Mommy bloggers with only some children stories included. I feel a little mislead.

The Naked Starfish---  OMG. SO so funny. No children really involved but so hysterical. Especially if you are a woman. Well written. 5 Stars

I Love Disney World. Wait, No. That Whole Title is a Typo--- Lots of cussing. Makes me want to wait a long time before taking my little boy to Disney Land.  Also the tampon vending machine made me LOL. I don’t want to say more and ruin it.  But that’s really the best part of it. The rest is bitching about being a mom and a lot of cuss words. 3.5 Stars

Eat Poop, Laugh. No, I did not Forget a Comma---  Awesome quote in this one: “Giant spiders and big, murdery, bird thingies? Bitch, puhleeze. I see your bigass walking trees and raise you a squeaky, red puppet voice that never freaking stops.” Holy cow. My child seems like a perfect angel now. This one is fantastic. 5 Stars

Kids and Cleaning: Just Kill me Now--- A mothers rant on children and cleaning. Not impressed with this one. 3 Stars

Love, Tears, and a few Scattered Ashes---  Has a great quote: “ As it turns out, a good snort can go very far in navigating through loads of weirdness and hurt.” Another very funny one but again, I thought these were supposed to be stories involving children? A story of situation after a death. 4 Stars

Why I belong in Coach--- Another great story (and I’m now over the fact these aren’t Mommy/Child stories). This one is about how the author was on a first class flight somewhere and a famous person (who is infuriatingly never named) was sitting near by. Hysterical. 5 Stars

In the Name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Penis--- A candidate for the best in the book. I almost cried I laughed so hard. A very short story about Catholics, Birthcontrol and family. I’ll leave it at that. 5 Stars

A Cougar is Born--- And this one was a serious let down after the previous one. It’s about turning 40 and I should have related. But it’s really only applicable if you are a pantyhose wearing femmy person (of which I am not). It wasn’t remotely funny or interesting. 2.5 Stars

The Poop Diaries--- OMG. Now this is the kind of essay I was expecting all of these. Children poop stories. The best lines in this story are “ “So it’s okay to do awful things to people if they won’t remember it?” I responded. “Remind me of that when you develop Alzheimers.”  4 Stars

So She Thought She Could Cut off My Stroller--- Another story that involves children. But I didn’t find this one all that great. Really just neutral on this one. 3 stars

The Treasury of Toys--- Author mentions her child’s annoying Vtech phone from hell. I’m pretty sure she must have the same insane one my son has. I must admit the thing is annoying as heck. This is very awesome and made me smile.  The amount of toys and books and other child related crap one accumulates is impressive. So are the bruises one gets when stepping on them barefoot.  5 Stars

What You Mock, You Become---  What the bleep was the fing point of this other than to whine? Oy. 2 Stars

The Big Reveal--- The short furry underwear story that is almost too short to really be a story. 3.5 stars. It gets an extra half star for making me smile.

How Moving Made Me want to Become a Carnie--- boring little essay on moving with kids.3 stars

Pregnancy Secrets from the Inner Sanctum--- boring little story with humerous moments on childbirth. 3.5 Stars

Embarrasment, Thy Name is Motherhood--- another boring story on how embarrasing motherhood can be. 3 Stars

A Stranger in the Land of Twigs and Berries-- Hysterical! Quote::How many penises do you think I’ve cleaned before this one?” I can totally relate as I have a son who is still young and remember clearly the joys of changing a diaper on him. OMG. I think this is my favorite so far. And the title is freaking amazing. 5 Stars

The Other Mommy War--- What a concept. An essay by a woman who has multiple children and acknowledges the meaness of moms who say “Of course you can do so and so. You only have one child.” It’s nice to hear a woman understand not everyone is able to have or cope with 1 child and that doesn’t make us any less of a mother. While not funny, it definitely gets points for undertanding being the mother of one. 4 Stars

Don’t Stop Believin’--- Ok little essay on the stages of childhood and how parents sex life relates to it. 3.5 Stars

Potty Training and Prostate Exams--- Hilarious. Especially since I’m going through the same thing with my son.  And because it made me feel better as a mom, it gets 5 stars

The Tale of Two Vaginas---  Pretty darned funny birth story. 4 Star

My Awkward Period--- Hysterical story of a woman who gets her period- while she has a toddler. OMG I can sooo see this happening. Loved this.  5 Stars

Elite Grocery Store Moms Club--- Nothing really original about this. Barely funny. I feel like the author was a bit self indulgent. 3 Stars

Babies: As Easy as 1, 2, 3!--- Cute but nothing hysterical. Basically shows how your opinion on certain things changes with each baby you have. 3 Stars

A Pinterest-Perfect Mom, I am Not--- Average story on how all moms feel forced to be pinterest perfect moms. While I relate a lot to this, I didn’t find the writing interesting or useful. 3 Stars

Bubble Baths and Shaved Legs--- Another really average story. Not even worth discussing. 3 stars

Parenting is Taboo--- It’s unclear if this is fiction or not. But it’s an email exchange that turns nasty between two mothers. Its supposed to be funny but it’s not. 2 Stars

The Husbands who Cried Wolfitis--- A story from two women about their husbands who are hypocondriacs. 3 Stars

The Mom-Chauffeur--- I understand this woman’s gripes. But it wasn’t funny, just lame. 2 Stars

Lamps, Hand Mirrors, and Elephans: My Nighmare Down There--- Cute. Story about a lump down there, but nothing original or even that funny. 3 Stars

The God’s Honest Truth About Breast Feeding--- Humorous commentary on what breastfeeding is like. 3.5 Stars

Because I’m the Vagina Boss, That’s Why--- Cute. About the perils of having a girl baby. 3 Stars

Wanted--- It’s basically what an ad for a mother would read like. Original but honestly not very funny. I laughed out loud at one comment.

Grown Up Words in a Pint-Sized Mouth--- Ok, this woman really needs a grip. She can’t make herself say vagina and penis?? But this does has some really funny lines from her children and is pretty hilarious. 4 Stars

Giving the Milk Away for Free--- Cute commentary on how younger women/girls should enjoy their young un scarred, pre baby bodies. 3.5 Stars

And Then There was that time a priest called me a terrible mother---  Wow. I’m loving this woman who wanted to strangle a priest. HA. LOVE THIS!!! (For those who don’t know, I pretty much hate all religion but try to be tolerant of those religious). But bashing sexist priests just my cup of tea. And on Mother’s Day!!!

It’s not a toomah---  Cute and amusing but I kinda want to knock some sense into this woman who could barely figure out she was pregnant. 3 Stars